My life feels very much like a mechanical series of obligations. I have to get up. I have to go to work. I have to work to provide benefits for my family. I have to take a shower. I have to get gas in the car. I have to buy groceries. I have to grade papers. I have to go to a meeting. I have to pick up the kids. The mental list of “have to” goes on and on. There is no “get to” in my life. I don’t often get to do anything enjoyable. When I have time, I have to sleep.
Every day is kind of the same. Get up, take the kids, drop off Little, go to school, do duty and teach [did I mention I hate my job?], meetings, pick up Little, grocery store, home, take care of kids, go to bed. There is no joy in life. I have tried to convince myself that this is the way it is supposed to be at this stage of my life – that it’s not about my joy or happiness, but solely about the children. I think I’m wrong though. I think that there should be joy in all stages of our lives – there isn’t one stage of life that is supposed to be awful.
I think I’m depressed. What else is new?
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